Question by : I need help advising a cross-dressing friend?
A friend of mine has confided in me about cross-dressing. He is married and has two kids, little kids. His wife is aware of the cross dressing, but not the extent of his obsession.

He won’t go to therapy because he is afraid of therapy. Does any one know of any resources in the Baltimore or Washington DC area for therapists- support groups – anything?

I understand that he is in a terrific amount of pain, but I am not a therapist. I am afraid that letting him talk to me about it is enabling him from figuring out what to do.

To be clear, I 100% support him dressing as a woman. I think that cross-dressing is fine. I just don’t know why he hasn’t already come out and I don’t know how to help him transition.

I kind of think that his refusal to see a therapist who can help him figure out whether he really wants to or not is because he doesn’t really want to. But, I just don’t know. I don’t have any other friends but him with this problem.

Please send me links and resources as well as your opinion on how I can help him.
He confided in me first about 10 years ago. I am basically the only one he talks to about it. I have patience and love for him and support him.

I am insecure about whether or not I am good enough to be the one who gives him advice. He used to be 100% in the closet with the cross dressing. But, now he wants to get a job where he dresses as a woman. I don’t know if he should. I don’t know if he really wants to or if he just likes obsessively planning to do it. I don’t know why he has intrusive thoughts about wearing women’s clothes.

He constantly window shops on the Internet for dresses he wants to wear to work and sends me the links. I get about 5-10 links to outfits per day.

I don’t think these obsessive thoughts are healthy but I don’t know how to help him.

Best answer:

Answer by aspicco
I respect your desire to try to help your friend, but what help does he want?

You may not be a therapist, but listening is a major part of any therapist’s job… why did he confide in you in the first place? He must have felt comfortable talking to you. So I would say listen. Maybe starting with you listening might make it easier for him to eventually get into therapy… but remember, people spoke to friends for centuries before anyone dreamed up psychoanalysis.

Trust yourself. Listen. Ask occasional questions. Sometimes repeat back to him, in your own words, what he tells you, so you understand exactly what he is saying.

Why does he have to come out as a cross dresser? Many people are quiet cross-dressers who will often walk the streets dressed as the opposite sex. Society is general is not very accepting of cross dressing, so he may very well want to keep it private…

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